For those who don’t know me I LOVE social media. I had a Myspace page back in the early 2000’s and was so reluctant to join a new social media site called “Facebook” back in 2005 because I was pretty sure Myspace was better. I recently celebrated my 6-year Twitter anniversary; I happily left the land of blackberry to get an iPhone and use Instagram- and I had a hi5, and friendspring account way back when. The only thing I might love more than social media is love. So it’s hard for me to put this out there, but is it possible that social media sabotages relationships?
Social media allows us to create connections with old friends, stay updated with current ones and even make new connections. It also puts our lives on display to whoever we allow, and that can be good or bad. Some social media websites allow us to document our lives in a sense, it’s a virtual scrapbook where we post important events, sometimes tragedies, general good times with our family and, of course, our loved ones. That can be helpful because we live in a fast-paced world where sometimes we might forget to appreciate the little things in life, and a relationship post on a social media site can remind the world (and us) how lucky we are to have this loving, perfect, amazing partner, right? Or does posting about our partners place unneeded attention, and unnecessary stress on the relationship?
Think about reality TV shows, people put their personal lives on display for the world to watch and comment, laugh and cry with them. It is entertaining, but a trend for a lot of these reality tv couples is that their relationships explode in their face. Now maybe these relationships were already doomed and being under the watchful eye of the public was just a catalyst, but can’t the same thing be said for couples who put their lives on display with social media? The idea is the same, but the process is a little different with social media,it’s more instantaneous – people post relationship pictures, people like pictures… instant gratification and reinforced solidarity within the relationship(at least that’s how we pretend it happens). But what happens when the whole world (or your 200 followers) watches and the relationship ends? Isn’t there that dread of deleting pictures from your account, people notice that, they might not say anything, but they see it. It might not be the worst thing about the end of the relationship, but it is one of the most public things that occurs.
How about the couples who don’t post about their relationship? Is that relationship doomed as well? Does one partner wonder if the other is hiding something? Maybe they have a secret relationship with someone on one of their social media accounts- or maybe they are just private people who don’t want outside speculation or commentary on their relationships. Or maybe they don’t want to lose followers (this is a real concern for some people!), people might stop posting compliments under their pictures or sending private messages that boost one’s confidence. Maybe the real problem is that we live in a society that has made us paranoid about the power of social media. The only confirmed truth is that technology only has the power that we give it. Let me know what you think by leaving a comment below
… all media, from the phonetic alphabet to the computer, are extensions of man that cause deep and lasting changes in him and transform his environment.- Marshall McLuhan Canadian philosopher of communication theory
Afua on Love 
Oh, Facebook relationship drama. It’s the worst. Over the years I’ve seen several instances where women (and, yes, it’s ALWAYS women) will change their status from “in a relationship” to “single” and they’ll get a dozen or more comments from friends saying things “I’m so sorry to hear that/Call me if you need to talk”, etc. And then like the very next day their status is changed back to “in a relationship.” So, okay, now everybody knows y’all had some kind of major fight the day before. One friend went from “engaged” to “single” and back in a couple of days. It’s like, c’mon, people. This is child-ish.
On the other spectrum are the women who always to get into relationships, one after another, and they always make a big deal about it. It’s more noticeable when you’ve been online friends with someone for a long time, the trend starts becoming predictable. They get in a relationship, so first the status gets changed, and now they always tag the name of the man they’re in a relationship with, to make sure we all know. And then the profile picture gets changed to a picture of her and the man together. And every other day there’s a new batch of pictures of them together, and every other status update is about how in love they are and how grateful they are to have found him. Eventually they break up, and the status gets changed back to “single” and they get all the sympathy comments, and the profile pic is changed just to her by herself. And for the next few weeks they’re always posting the vague updates about lost love and heartbreak.
And then there’s a new guy, and the status gets changed again. And the profile pic becomes her and then guys. And all of that gets repeated (pictures, status updates, etc.). I laugh to myself when I see some of these women gushing about the love of their life and I’m just thinking, yeah, that’s what you said about the last guy. And the guy before that. And the guy before that. And the guy before that…
Yes the popcorn worthy Facebook drama, although I have seen some men partake in this as well. I’m not sure if the posting of relationships has turned into some time of validation for people. The public gives their stamp of approval and that means your relationship is really real? I think balance is required, I don’t want people to look at my social media sites and know play-by-play what has transpired in my life (unless I’ve blogged about it haha!).
I agree what you say about validation. That’s what it seems like it is, which is they post all the details. That’s why I said in the my example about the back and forth changes being so child-ish, how do you really go from “in a relationship” or even “engaged” to “single” and then back again in a day or two? Okay, so you had some kind of fight, that happens, couples fight and make up. But now it’s like, once you’ve gotten made you had to rush to change your Facebook status, to make it “real.”
As for male drama, I do see some of that. It’s usually in the form of guy’s getting jealous because their girlfriend or wife has too many guys clicking “like” on their pictures and stuff like that. Social Media definitely is affecting how relationships are conducted, and not always in a good way.
Ughhh,
I totally have mixed feeling about this subject.
Being in a relationship really comes down to HIM AND HER, but personally once social media gets added to the equation I feel that makes the relationship much more public.
Do you really want people to know what you and your loved ones do on a day to day basis? I don’t think its necessary and I definitely don’t want people I cant stand seeing how happy or unhappy I am !